We were at Emma’s 1st Birthday Party and the house was chaos.  Little children were there.  Small and crawling.  And then there were bigger children.  Bigger children with feet and hands.  Kicking feet and dirty hands.  Lizzie was taking it totally in her stride.  “It can all we washed off”  “I’ll hoover that later” etc etc.

I on the other hand was clinging onto a wriggling Rory and trying to avoid a panic attack whilst children  wiped pizza and banana into Lizzie’s new sofa.  And then the smell.  The unmistakable odour of a dirty nappy.  I thrust Rory into Simon’s face.  “It’s definitely not him.  You smell? It’s not.  Is it?  It’s so overpowering it’s confusing my senses.  No, it’s definitely not him.  I’d recognise it”.

Jesus.  What had I become?  The shit detective?

Eventually the owner of the dirty nappy was identified.  Even after that bum was changed the smell lingered.  It lingered so bad.  We had some cake which was yummy.  But now the air smelt of sugar and shit.  This, my friends, is the combination of fragrances to sum up a child’s party.  Sugar and shit.

My friend who had a 1st Birthday for her daughter last year confirmed what I thought may be another pitfall,  “It’s all well and good until the wine comes out Karen.  Then they take their eye off the ball and houses get trashed and toys get broken”.  Now whilst this was not the case at Lizzie’s, I could totally see how these things could go spectacularly wrong.  Needless to say my wise friend hired a hall with entertainment for her daughters 2nd Birthday.  No booze allowed.  Genius.

Despite my misgivings we too are holding a little get together in the house for Rory’s Birthday next month.  I’m praying we can all get out in the garden and the children can crawl around on the grass whilst the adults eat sausage rolls and drink prosecco.  I mean, what can possibly go wrong?


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